by Ellie Hudson

In town

there are these boutiques I drive past

every day.

They have beautiful clothes

for skinny people.

I think

if I lose weight

I could wear those.

The problem comes

trying to lose

something I never

looked for or wanted

in the first place.

It found me.

It keeps finding me

jumping on my back

in this perverse game

of Hide and You Can’t Escape.

​

I found the most weight

when I lost the babies.

I wanted them

but it doesn’t work like that.

Instead of holding infants

I held bags of chips.

The salt changed me

into an ocean

and I was full of empty.

I thought

if this happens

one more time

I will lose my mind.

I never found answers.

There was only the swell

and red tides on a clock.

I watched my belly grow

from Nothing.